this test is ruining my life!

well...that's a bit dramatic, but seriously how can so much depend on one measly test?  if you know anything about elementary education, you know what i'm speaking of.  i stress out from august to april trying to get my kids (who SURPRISE! are all not the exact same) to get to a point where they can pass, just pass is all i ask, this test.  the next few weeks are spent stressing over whether or not they did pass.  the rest of may is spent thinking, maybe if i had just done this or that.  june and july?  intermittent thoughts of the next year.  and round and round it goes.  you may ask, why do you do this to yourself?  many mornings in the spring i ask myself that same question.

today was results day.  just typing that made my stomach clench, and i already know the results and they weren't that bad.  that's how much this affects me.  i got the e-mail saying they were in.  as team leader, i nominated myself to go down and get them.  you should have seen the look of terror in the faces of my fellow teachers when i brought them in.  they actually turned out to be quite good...surprisingly good.  even so, the rest of my day was spent going over and over in my head the "if only's."  if only so and so hadn't been sent home with lice the day before...if only this kid hadn't missed every tuesday this year with a "stomach ache, coughing, fever, runny nose, and (as if those aren't enough) vomiting and diarrhea"...if only another student hadn't moved to mexico for a few weeks and then just kidding he's back.  oh well.  beyond my control.  if only there could be asterisks next to the scores that my job depends on stating "student didn't feel like taking a test that day."  whatev.  i can safely start "freaking out about next year" mode.  sigh.