Thursday, August 11, 2011

ten years

today is my last day of summer - my last day to stay at home with jack. i have many and mixed feelings about this as i begin my tenth year of teaching. even as i type that, it seems so crazy that i have been teaching that long. when i started in the cliff, i NEVER thought i would make it this long. i was thinking today about all the things that have happened in the past ten years.

i have lived in dallas for ten years. craze. i came here for a job not knowing anyone, but desperate to get out of the panhandle and live the city life i knew i was destined for. of course when you make how much i was making, you figure out real quick that glam is not an option. thankfully. after a year at a crap job doing crap work for crap pay (it just wasn't for me), i decided to use that hard earned finance degree to become an elementary teacher and have never looked back. ok, so i may have looked back a couple of times. i mean i taught in the cliff.

i have gone to my church for nearly ten years. also craze. it began ten years ago, and i started going a few months in. the community there saved me. god was (and is) so good and provided me with the best friends ever. i love love them and am so thankful for all of the paths i've crossed over the years. our church was so small for so long, and as we celebrate ten years, it's so crazy to see all of the new people and the growth. i feel like i hardly know anyone there now. strange but good.

in the past ten years of big d i've "prayed for the men" with k, d, and j, asked for other men when he started providing, watched d then j then k get married, i got married (finally!), and now i have my sweet baby who is more than i could have asked or imagined. so thankful!

happy ten years!

my 25th
halloween. i went as ron.
d's wedding
pre train ride to chicago. (don't do it).
first b-day with my boyfriend.
k's wedding.
engagement night!
getting married.
mr. and mrs. cook.
l'il jc.

Monday, July 25, 2011

back when he had hair

this one doesn't show hair but is so funny and cute. reminds me of the movie E.T.

bla bla

jack loves his bla bla monkey. i didn't realize how attached to it he is until he quit crying and passed out mid scream when i put it in his arms in the middle of the night one night. we are going to get him another {cheaper} one for daycare naps, because as we say in my family, it's a nice one.

Monday, July 18, 2011

4 months

li'l j is 4 months old today. i can't believe he's been here a third of a year already. he is seriously the cutest thing. he has lost most of the hair on top of his head, so he looks like a little old man. his hair looks like it is coming in kind of blonde, which i am sure will be cute, but i was kind of hoping at least a little of his quarter mexican-ness would shine through. and he is kind of a chunk. we went for his appointment today, and he is already 17lb 11oz which is the 95th percentile. he's also 95th for length, so at least he is proportionate.

we have swaddled him in the miracle blanket since he was about a month old, and we gave up on it a couple of nights ago because he started getting out of it before he even went to sleep. he has been waking up every three hours since then. i told this to the doc today thinking she would say that we should keep him unswaddled, but instead she said to wrap him tightly with another blanket first, then put him in the miracle blanket so he couldn't get out. she said she sure would not be getting up every three hours to put a paci back in. she cracks me up.

sadly, j is starting daycare soon. he also quit taking a bottle. this is not awesome. it is my fault for being lazy about bottle giving this summer. i have less than a month to get this straightened out, or he is going to be his teacher's worst nightmare. the doctor said we may have to give him food during the day and let him drink in the morning and evening if he refuses, but i really REALLY just want him to take the bottle.

here is the most recent picture i have of him. i need to be better about taking more.

and one more...

Thursday, June 9, 2011

summer days

so jon got me an ipad2 after jack was born. it was sort of a "push present" if you will. i like to think of it as a "you might as well face the fact that you are never getting an iPhone" gift. i have come to terms with the fact that i will be one of the last flip phone, non data plan cell phone users around. we are a dying breed. anywho, i am loving the iPad because i can take pictures and video of jack with it and e-mail them in a flash. the picture quality sucks, but who needs good quality when the subject is so cute? not me.

since i have been off work for the sum, we have been having some photo shoots. jack enjoys them for the most part, and yesterday he looked especially shootable in his hat. i am loving that he doesn't know how to take it off yet. also loving the double chin.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

shark attack

this guy went for his first swim last week. this was his expression the whole time. there were no screams, so i would call it a success.

Thursday, April 28, 2011


Baby Boy Name Birth Announcement
Find 100's of cute birth announcements at Shutterfly.
View the entire collection of cards.

Friday, April 1, 2011


two weeks ago, we welcomed our son to this crazy world. he is seriously the cutest thing, which makes the past couple of weeks completely worth it. i mean, it would be worth it even if he wasn’t that cute, but he is.

jack (jonathan andrew cook, jr.) was due to arrive on march 24, but i had started progressing quite early and was almost 3 cm dilated at 36 weeks and measuring way big. this sent me into a panic as i had really hoped to work up to his due date so i wouldn’t have to go back to work so long at the end of the year; therefore, i really did not have much ready. i had a sono to make sure he was alright, and he was almost 8 pounds already. i really thought i would go into labor at any second. we went to a childbirth class to understand what to expect, and what we learned was that no matter what we had lined out in our minds, we have zero control of actual outcomes. our experience was NOTHING like what we sat 8 hours through to learn in that class. loved the class, but it made dying to what i had hoped for in a birth experience a little harder to do.

at my 38 week appointment, my doctor told me she had scheduled me to be induced the next week – a week early. didn’t ask me, just told me. she thought jack would be rather large, and my blood pressure was starting to rise some. i DID NOT want to be induced. i tried everything i could that week to go into labor naturally. jackie wanted to stay in though. jon and i went in to my 39 week appt. to find out what to expect the next day – induction day. my doctor mentioned an elective c-section. another piece of my expectations died. she did not say i had to have one but mentioned concerns with jack’s shoulders getting stuck. i told her i would rather not have the c-section, but then started second-guessing myself. i felt like she was saying i couldn’t push a 9 pound baby out. i also felt i was risking my son’s body. i was not feeling confident.

on march 18, 2011, we checked into baylor hospital at 6 a.m. anxious to finally meet our baby boy. they hooked me up to monitors, and i was actually already having contractions that were 3 to 5 minutes apart, they just weren’t that strong. i had decided that i didn’t want the epidural until i really thought i needed it. the doctor broke my water and started pitocin, and i got through a couple of hours and to 5 cm before i thought i should probably start the epidural process. especially if it was going to be a long day. it took them 6 tries and 45 minutes to get the epidural in. one doctor told the other that he was “struggling”. not what you want to hear when someone is poking a needle in your spine. after a while, my bottom half was uncomfortably numb. i asked them to turn it down some, and then after a bit they turned it back up when the pain was more intense. i dilated pretty quickly, but jack decided to turn face up at some point during the day, so i had to “labor down” for a while to see if he would flip face down, which he eventually did.

finally, at 4 p.m. i got to start pushing. they said i was doing it perfectly, but i couldn’t feel it. i asked after a while for my epidural to be turned down some again so i could feel some sensation. it was a lot better when i could feel, but had i known how long i would be pushing, i probably would have reconsidered. my doctor came in at 6 and said she would give me 30 more minutes. she helped me push for a while, and they could see his head. meanwhile my epidural was way wearing off and my doctor had to leave to deliver another baby. not cool, because i knew 30 minutes had passed and i needed her to tell me what to do. he was not coming out. she finally showed up around 7 and told me that i had done everything i could. i was completely worn out from pushing for 3 hours and had developed a fever. she said she could get him with the forceps, but again was worried about his shoulders getting stuck. she said c-section, i agreed.

it took a while to get prepped. this anesthesiologist wanted to be extra careful because of what had happened to me in the morning. jon had to take down his camera set-ups and change into scrubs, pack our crap back up, and put it in the recovery room. he waited out in the hall until they called him into the operating room – the only thing that was the same as what we learned in the class was where he would be standing to wait if i had to have a c-section. i was drugged and completely out of it. i could still carry on conversations, but it did not feel like me.

they asked me if i wanted music on. i said i didn’t care. they listed choices. all i could think was to wonder if they seriously were asking me about music when they were about to cut me open and pull a baby out of me after pushing for 3 hours. jon chose sting.

after a few minutes they said jon could take pictures. he actually took video. it’s disturbing, but so amazing to watch the birth of little jack. he was so big that they had to use a vacuum to get him out. it looks awful. they finally got him out and i heard his squeal for the first time. tears came to my eyes. i knew he was out, but nothing else. couldn’t see anything. they didn’t put him to my chest like they would have in a vaginal birth. i just had to listen to the voices around me to hear about him. he was born at 8:31 p.m. and was 9 pounds exactly, HUGE hands and feet. they had to give him some air, so the protocol was that he had to go to the nursery instead of coming to the recovery room with me. jon held him up to my head for a couple of minutes, and our first family of 3 photos are of me on an operating table, jon in scrubs with his face covered, and our sweet baby boy with goop in his eyes. my doctor said my labor/delivery was what would be called an ass whipping, and that he was too big to come out of my too flat pelvis. i was still completely out of it and starting to shake uncontrollably. they took him away and took me to recovery.

my parents came in to see me. i don’t remember talking to them much, but i told them to go see jack at the nursery. my sweet friends were at the hospital all day long, much of the day with their kids. they stayed till the end, which blessed me so much. i was so glad they would get to see jack, even though it was only through a window. the nursery called down and said they were going to give him some formula. i wasn’t the first one to feed my baby.

finally, a little after 11, they wheeled me up to my room and a few minutes later they brought him in. he is wonderful. they said i could feed him. i wondered how to do that, but then just did it. they took him away a couple of hours later since we were still kind of out of it. they said they would give him a bath. in the childbirth class, they said jon would give him his first bath. oh well.

our first days with jack have been a roller coaster of emotions. i love him so much. i bawled when they brought him in with lights and an eye mask due to jaundice. i have bawled when he cries his horrific cry that hurts your ears and i don’t know what to do. there are so many things to keep an eye on with a newborn. so many things i feel that i am not competent to do, but i have to just do them and be confident in being the mom i was created to be. i’ve already done things i swore i would never do. we’re just doing what works for baby j. we’ve got a lot of learning to do to see what exactly that is. Lord, help us.